there's nothing I want more than to run away right now,
leave this country and forget this place.
but I think there's a greater satisfaction
in looking you in the eye and saying:
fuck you,
and get out of my face.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Heartache.
* Just a quick one, before I get started on my last paper ever for summer session.
On the train on the way home I bumped into a friend I havent seen since the spring semester ended. She was standing by herself and she didnt have to say much with the expression on her face. She might have said to be tired but there was more than fatigue and lack of sleep in her appearance. I always believed the body can say so much more than what is spoken. We got into conversation about how we've both been MIA. Ultimately, it led up to the topic of her new found relationship and her recently ended relationship. In a world where it's okay for all of us to be stalkers and know every open detail to a person's life via Facebook. I knew of these events but not the details and thats what she told me. I saw her face light up as she talked about her new boyfriend who so happened to help her pick up the pieces. Then when she talked about her ex-boyfriend her heartache exuded through the forced smile that was both meant to convince not only me but herself that she was okay.
Seeing her pain cut my own wound fresh open. The very same wound I tried for more than a year to intricately heal with productive and sometimes what other people may consider self destructive behavior. The pain in her eyes became a mirror seeing myself a year and half ago. Her story was like salt to my wound and every tear was like a blow to the wound that would both ease and burn. I knew it would be hard for her to talk about it so I didnt ask but I guess talking about it serves the same medium as one getting a tattoo, you know its going to hurt but at the same time the pain makes you feel good. That's exactly what my friend did, telling me about it of course hurt her but it made her feel better to talk it out.
Naturally I'd offer advice but I know there are some situations where you know no matter what you say and no matter how true the heart will continue to break when it feels like it.
But there is one thing I wished I could have told her, Mother Theresa said:
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
On the train on the way home I bumped into a friend I havent seen since the spring semester ended. She was standing by herself and she didnt have to say much with the expression on her face. She might have said to be tired but there was more than fatigue and lack of sleep in her appearance. I always believed the body can say so much more than what is spoken. We got into conversation about how we've both been MIA. Ultimately, it led up to the topic of her new found relationship and her recently ended relationship. In a world where it's okay for all of us to be stalkers and know every open detail to a person's life via Facebook. I knew of these events but not the details and thats what she told me. I saw her face light up as she talked about her new boyfriend who so happened to help her pick up the pieces. Then when she talked about her ex-boyfriend her heartache exuded through the forced smile that was both meant to convince not only me but herself that she was okay.
Seeing her pain cut my own wound fresh open. The very same wound I tried for more than a year to intricately heal with productive and sometimes what other people may consider self destructive behavior. The pain in her eyes became a mirror seeing myself a year and half ago. Her story was like salt to my wound and every tear was like a blow to the wound that would both ease and burn. I knew it would be hard for her to talk about it so I didnt ask but I guess talking about it serves the same medium as one getting a tattoo, you know its going to hurt but at the same time the pain makes you feel good. That's exactly what my friend did, telling me about it of course hurt her but it made her feel better to talk it out.
Naturally I'd offer advice but I know there are some situations where you know no matter what you say and no matter how true the heart will continue to break when it feels like it.
But there is one thing I wished I could have told her, Mother Theresa said:
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)