Simple, starving to be safe.

For a while now it seemed like I should feel like I am on top of the world. I am proud for what I've accomplished but I don't know ..the feeling of accomplishment is somewhat short lived. I don't know what it is and as I'm here trying to put into words what it is exactly that I am feeling, the best thing I could come up with is that well for a while I think I've just been so uninspired.

Before I continue, I dont want this post to come off as me complaining about my life. In fact, I am so thankful for everything that God has blessed me with and continue to bless me with. But yes, to continue with my previous thought and not to sound like I'm tootin my own horn or anything but I am sure there's someone out there who would love to be in my shoes. In fact, I love being in my shoes. Yet, there's this part of me that's somewhat ..bored with it all.

I think one thing that's really making me feel this way is school. I think a part of me is so miserable because I have no interest in the things I am learning. The classes I am taking this semester are all requirements for a major that is still unclear to me. I've compromised to taking Behaviorial Neuroscience because it one part psychology and one part biology which I hope gets me into medicial school. But at this rate, i dont see medical school being in my future...not because I think itll be extremely difficult but because simply put, i dont want to.

I sit in class while my professor goes on and on about pH levels, anions and cations, Ksp constants..blah blah blah. Science always fascinated me and it continues to be one of my favorite subjects but lets face it...i doubt i'll ever find a cure for cancer.

My classes has sucked all the fun in learning. It makes me sad. But im stuck...because like many college students out there, I don't know what to do with my life. And since the beginning of my academic career i've been steered in the path of medicine that well...i really dont know anything else.

Aside from school, I think I've lost that spark of excitment in the things I love. The three things i love most are the three things I've stayed away from. Singing, dancing and playing piano. I stay away from them cos somehow they hurt me.

So here I am, keeping myself busy with things I feel are important to me while I search for thrills but theyre cheap and not at all lasting hoping, waiting to be inspired again.