Home Sweet Home.

I think for the first time in a long time I am finally truly happy again. And when I say long time I estimate probably a period of 3-4 months. I was scared because I thought I was slipping under again. Not saying I was depressed or anything but like a couple entries before I was feeling uninspired but all it took was a little inspiration :)

I'm all moved back home now. Despite the three hour commute everyday since I'm taking summer class being at home brings about a certain ease that you can only get at home. I am finally taking naps again, at least I try too. I'm finally sleeping close to normal sleeping hours. I can come home and smell the aroma of my Moms delicious homecooking. Everytime I come home I am ambushed by the love of my life, Benjie.

Home sweet home.


Surprisingly, my parents have been so lenient. To the point where they ask me if I'm going out. It's a complete turn around from what was my life at home before a year and half ago or so. I love my relationship with my parents. My parents.. The two most important people in my life ... I am so grateful for them. Grateful for their uncondtional and devotional love. For the warm atmosphere they provide and loving environment they raise me in. For the endless support and understanding they give me. I would be so proud to even become a tenth of the kind of parents they are to me.

Of course, I have my days where I just want to storm out especially fighting with my brother or the attitude that my parents have somehow picked up. shrugs. i dont know where that came from. But I take a step back, cool my anger and let it go. I swear, I have to be the most patient person ever with an uncanning ability to manage my anger. Despite this, I do think I am in dire need of anger management. It is because of my virtuous (haha) patience I think I've acquired a short temper. I can't tolerate anything that's a waste of time. That includes stupid people and liars. [I wanted to put a "satisfied" smiley like they have on xanga... blogspot doesnt have it. boo.] :)

Busy Bee.

I don't really remember when I really gave myself a break. For so long, I've just been so busy. Project after next project. Goal after goal. Class after class. Meeting after meeting. Party after party.

I had four days of "vacation" after Spring '09 semester ended and before Summer '09 semester would start. I was busy cleaning up my stuff I had to move back in but other than that, I would have a couple hours of free time. It was the weirdest feeling. I felt so anxious, antsy and so on edge. It was like I didnt know how to just not do anything anymore. The fact that nothing had to be done made me anxious, like I was sure that I was forgetting something. I am not saying that I dont know how to relax because there is nothing I do best other than laying down on my bed. I just dont get to do often.

I asked myself why do I insist on keeping myself so busy even when half the time I am exhausted and probably killing the youth in me. Wait, scratch that. Killing is such a harsh word, an extreme exaggeration even. Okay so, I am exhausted. So why can't I be like many college students and actually stay home for the summer. For one, I can't sit still for one minute. I'd probably shoot myself being at home all day. I like that I am spending my time efficiently and productively. Secondly, I love what I do. No matter how tired I get. I love the work I put in for my sorority. I love to learn, and I love spending time with the people I love even it means having to journey an hour and half just to see them in the city. Whatever it is I am doing, I am doing it because I choose to and I want too. Thirdly, and to be completely honest, I am scared. I think I am most dangerous when I am left alone with my own thoughts. So unless I am bumming around the house, being idle is something I avoid.

I have about less than 3 weeks left of summer class and ten days after that I'll be feeling the rays of the Florida and Bahama sun warm every part of my body since lately New York has been feeling like Seattle and raining everyday leaving my bones cold. But yeah, ten days... i dont know what I am going to do with myself. I am saying this even though I have a list of things waiting for me to do already. smh.

Speaking of learning.

After such a draining semester with a courseload of nothing but chemistry and psychology, where I was nothing but the last four digits of my social security number that filled a lecture hall, it is so nice to come to an english class with only 18 students. It's nice to actually make sure I get to class on time because attendance counts. It's nice to hear my voice and I don't mean that in a narcissistic kind of way. I am taking multi-ethinic american literature, Eng 320. After all the the english class I've taken, I can minor in english. Which wasn't my intention at all. If there's one thing I've learned since being in college is that I have this secret love for literature and writing. I am my toughest critic so I keep all of my writings to myself. The art of expressing yourself through words is something that completely moves me.

However, right before this class, I took a class for Literary Theory. It was interesting and I came out of the class having post- modernism roll off my tongue. Except, it completely abated my enthusiam for literature. The papers were extremely hard, tedious even, and I vowed to myself I would never take an english class again.

Yet, here I am and I am in love with this class. My decision in taking another class, was partly because I missed having an english class. I'm a complete book worm, if there's one thing that can abolutely make me obvlious to everything around me is a really good book. I can get completely lost in it and that's what I love about literature. It's funny to think about because as my professor describes it, almost in mockery, we are a group of educated individuals talking about books. Oddly enough, I am more awake in this class than in my human sexuality class. Thats another story though, like my friend said, "it's like learning stuff I already know." haha.

I think I'll end it here. Haha. Sorry for the long post. It's been a while so it's nice to able to write all these thoughts down.